Jogged
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
one of my frd who is not so close to me said "u shld go see a psychiatrist" hahha dunno if it's true... but i actually thought i shld go and visit one of them 2 yrs ago... had this period when i cry for no exactly no reasons and flaring up becos of nth at all... and this frd of mine said maybe i suppress or give myself too much pressure and stress... maybe... maybe not... wats now is i keep pushing blames to sch work that drives me crazy and blames myself for being useless... yeap! i'm useless.... laziness is still here.... not being able to drive my motivation to start..... it's the sch's fault.... all fault can only be blamed on me for not putting enough effort...
i guess i'm just going to read through lecture notes and tutorials for this term break... no point forcing myself study when i dun feel to.... anywhere the outcome is already predicted.... i oso wanna pass... hahaha~! wth... i'm contradicting myself....
anyways i jogged 4 and a half round? hahahah~! 5 including walking.... lolx~! haven jogged for past more than 1 month.... so 4 and half round is considered fruitful.... dunno if i'm going to jog again tml.... playing tennis though~ if i'm not tired maybe i'll just go jog one or two rounds..... heard some nice stuff today.... as well as some not nice stuff..... din really slp well last night.... 11 on bed turning ard tell 1am.... got up at 2am+... slept at 3am+ till 7.15am... ehm.... been thinking... thinking of almost everything.... like why am i here? why am i still breathing? why is it like this and why is it liddat? never ending why-s..... the 2 most impt qns is... where is my passion for studying gone to? and why am i feeling this way?
now.. out of nowhere i feel emo... out of nowhere i feel like being alone.... out of nowhere i dun feel like going home... out of nowhere i feel sour-ness in my heart.... out of nowhere i just blank out.... i know the situation well.. but why am i blanking out... tell me why.....
