the past... and now...
Saturday, July 22, 2006
ytd i went back to hougang... hahaa~! i walked pass my old block.... the shop downstairs was the same.... the void deck was the same.... the environment was the same.... i felt as though i went back to the past... remembering that i do not dare to take the lift alone i climb up the stairs... all the way up to the 10th storey.... looking at the road i remb i fell down on the middle of the 2 lanes.... haha.... into my mama's friend's house... i remb that one time i cut my long hair off to real short becos my dad wanted it.... walking to the markets.... i remb tat i got lost once and got my mom and brother worried.... lolx... and the french fries i always buy after school.... life was so..... quiet over there... so peaceful....
and now.... i live in a condo... a place where i still think there is no neigbourly friendship and love ..... a place w/o merries........ a place so cold and scary tat i seldom feel like going home... cos i only get to face the com or books at home... sigh~! after moving over here so many things happened.... having a dad like mine is wat everyone doesnt want... who will want right? he is capable of only making money tats all..... other than tat... he is nth... not even the slightest thin air..... sigh.... till now... if the same thing happens again... i simply just turn around and walk away.... i really cant be bothered anymore... the more this kind of things happen.. the more i feel like running away from home.... and wanting and finding for comfort outside.... i laack of sth.... lack of sth tat i'm trying to find... but no one can give me... or rather... no one is willing to give me cos they cant... i seriously am tired searching for it.. cos everytime i search for it... i tot i found it... and yeah... it is still not mine... i guess i have to re-plan my life.... haha... still i wanna get into uni... and oso i want a make my name big just like my dad's... being able to be the top lighting designer and consultant.... haha i really love his job... another blow for me i can really go crazy... ppl always ask me why am i sth sth or why are u still like this... i oso dunno how to ans them... it's not tat i dun want... it's tat i cant get it even if i want... i hate being the me now.... i simply just cant smile and laugh like how i usually do.... it's just so heavy inside... so long as everyone out there is happy... i think i can just play my part and try to be the obedient gal... i'm too tired and afraid to express... cos i always get myself into unwanted and unnecessary troubles and pains.... all i have to say is... i fell to deep to climb and i'm the one to be blamed.....
