i dun feel good....
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
| i dun feel good in any ways..... c&s... sigh~! maybe this is the only decision i regretted the most in my life so far..... initially a tot of curiousity and fun... lead me in being the vp..... and now being selected to be the commitee of seg club... it wasnt wat i wanted... neither do i look upon to it..... neglecting my friends feelings...... i am really selfish.... to think tat the p oso have his own problems and i only bring more problems to him.... so sorry.... big and old enough to make my own decisions eh??? yeah.... maybe that sentence is correct... but somehow.... it hit me so hard tat i couldnt breathe..... maybe becos i always tot i'm always up for anything and matured enough to face any problems... i realised how inmatured i am... and how indecisive i am... i really got to say.... i made plans every week... and i only got to know there is a meeting(for tml) today.... i cant kick off my plans when it has already been planned..... and plus..... rejecting an event for this friday... becos i have classes fom 8 to 5.... lectures are so impt.... nvm.... maybe i shall help out this friday... but i really cant kick off my plans for tml.... i have my pressure to... i really dun think i'm the organiser kind of person.... i dun feel happy..... i dun feel okay.... all the "okay lors" i've said today are all fakes.... know why??? i dunno how to face... not anymore.... not to u anymore.... when i always wanted consoles from u... i got from others.... when i wanna hear ur opinions... i get sth else.... i really wanna be a kid.... i cant make decisions anymore...... i always hope u are the one to understand me... understand my problems i face at home.... but why is it someone else and not u??? just the slightest tot of u not understanding wat kind of person am i make me feel like crying.... it hurt so much.... i admit... i dun understand u too... i have tried.... but u nv seem to open urself.... how am i to understand u??? i'm always making moves.... and u seem as though u are waiting for me to do sth.... i'm tired... tired of toking... tired of thinking of topics to chat about... when i wanna know how u feel abt it.... u always change subject.... do u know ppl at the side looking at us... ask me to back off yet i keep wanting to believe in u??? did i do it the wrong way??? do u know... i'm suffocating??? do i always have to say for u to know? why cant u realise things urself??? maybe u shld know sth... i'm no good gal... neither am i the obedient kind of gal.... i wanna be myself... do i always have to be a guai guai kind of person in front of u? a slightest of vulgarity said.... do u know why i said it? cos i cant express my feeling of being stressed up by work anymore and u just gag all the way as though everything is so easy to be done...... forget it.... i'm really tired...... i'm so trying hard to enjoy myself and make myself happy... but things just pull me down..... |
