hurt????
Thursday, July 20, 2006
| halo........... wat a long day i had today... hahaha~! practically walking slowly today.... hahaha maybe cos of the new high platform shoe... but it's okay... i love it in some angles... and i'm gonna make full use of it.... haaha~! remembering myself in the past shopping with my mama for lots of hifh heel shoes too... and after buying tat i din wear them cos i sort of hate wearing it... BUT! i start to love it ever since my cousin's wedding dinner... i realised walking in high heel isnt bad... and somehow will feel abit confidence and abit of lady-like kind of taste... hahaha~! tats how i personally thinks... =X hahaha... my results... got A for 4 modules... B for UG..... and marketing i dunno yet... hahaha~! hopefully it's another A... or B.... C dun sound very encouraging to me...dunno why.... instead it just make me feel like slamming the book at the wall and rip the papers apart.... hahahah~! violent eh??? i somehow come to awake tat i've been using rude and violent words nowadays... hahaha... things like.. "slap u arh!" or... "go and die lar...." or... "go eat shit...." hahahhaa.... nowadays eat shit seldom appear.... cos if they eat shit... i oso must be able to do so.... if go die.... i dunno.... it just simply comes out from my mouth!..... slap u arh.... is pretty frequent.. u can hear me saying this when i'm with vickie and gang.... within 10 lines... they may be one... hahahaa~! i'm trying to control my language already..... cos i know it's a no no... hahaha!.... then anywayx... i gave tuition today... hahaha... wanted to start with average and rms... but he was so... relunctant and say "if u teach me already... in lecture i wun feel like listening..." and since i wanna be quiet...... so i shut my move and use pencil and paper to tell him wat to do and where he went wrong.... dunno why..... i feel like shutting myself up lately.... these days... dun wish to waste my energy... cos i'm really drained.... hahaha.... thought of it for so long and losing my sleep for 2 nights already... really tiring.... and i ask so many frds already... all say no.... no.... no.... but how come i tell myself no..... and in 2 or so hrs time i will keep thinking of u??? i really din wanna tok to u... see u... or hear from u since 2 nights ago.... but i realise..... the sms-es... phone calls.... and msn messages.... had already gotten into my life..... is it a kind of a habit? or sth i cant live w/o??? or both??? honestly and seriously.... after last night's chat.... i feel so much relieved.... and lighten and oso happier.... sorry may be the hardest word to say... but it may not be effective as always... hahhaa.... especially saying sorry to me... make me feel even more hurt..... or rather ytd's chat... told me tat at least i wasnt wrong.... even though u always say no no no.... i tot at least there was sth.... and there really was.... i appreciate it.... wun it be nice to be honest??? if u haven notice... i can tell u.... u sometimes contradict urself with wat u say and wat u do..... the only way i can get to know u is see from afar and chat with u.... wat abt u??? hahhaa.... i'm glad i get to know u... no regrets.... at least u are not icy cold anymore... heex..... i still want to tok to u.... i still think of u.... i tot i would hate u.... but i couldnt.... there is still feelings in it... i dunno why.... part of me wants this feeling to be gone... but part of me wants this feeling to stay forever...... |
