WishList

3 CAs had passed... thermodynamics, essential math and materials... yeap! all 3 failed... maybe i really aint the cut out for uni.... maybe i din put in enough effort... knowing my stupidity and my limit of knowledge... i wanna believe and choose to believe that i din put in enough effort... hahahaha~!~!~!~! give myself this semester as a trial... wanna pass all with a C.... if i cant even get C for all... most probably i will drop out... find a job... slowly work it up.... feel like taking a part time job... since i've been spending too much.... fullstop means fullstop... no more buying of things! hahahaha~! seriously i know i failed 3 CAs and their weightage is pretty big.... but i dun feel tat sad.... not as sad when i know i failed my automation during poly.... maybe cos i know my limit... i'm not tat clever.... i'm not the one for this kind... i'm just doing this our of pride and face.... dun wanna be underestimated... dun wanna be looked down on.... others graduated from uni.... i wanna do so too..... but i wanna do better than them..... wat if.... i happen to pass all with average C yet dun do well in the next semesters.... will i be wasting time and money.... wat do i gain other than new bond frdships?? experiences? do i really gain anything? or am i just deceiving myself? sigh~! how many ppl understand how i feel? wat is their pressure and stress? money.... they wanna study yet they are poor.... the only thing they are troubled over is most probably money.... wat is my pressure and stress? many.... they stay in hostel.... me? i stay at home... they travelled less than 30 mins.... i travelled 1 and half hr.... wat time do they get up? and wat time do i get up? do they have pressure becos siblings are doing well and u are not? nah... i have.... do they have parents pressurising them for not just abt sch work but family issues too? nah they dun... but i have.... my parents dun stress me for my studies... but for family issues tat i dun even wanna touch on... how can i not touch on it? its my family.... yeah... no doubt i do slack alot.... most impt... they have the foundation...... i dun...... where did they came from??? i dunno... foundation of everything i dun have.... building up a foundation is not that easy..... its not as easy as how ppl say... it's really difficult.... getting in uni is easy but to move up and graduate from it is really difficult.... just by putting in effort is not enough..... how can u understand a concept when u really dun understand at all despite reading it a hundred times.... is just memorising it enough... no it's not... u really need to understand to apply it.... how many really understand when i tell them i really dun understand despite that i have really read it...... how many ppl believe that i'm really not able to do it..... not many...... i'm really tired... how many ppl can see tat???? i really dun understand..... i really rather throw my pride and dun study anymore.... how long more can i endure? can i even extend my limitations..... i wanna go up..... i wanna graduate.... i dun wanna fail anymore....