WishList

today is the last day of term break.. hahah~! slack at home... totally dun feel like studying... haha... last night had a nice chat with jiang he aka my advisory... lolx~! and i have joined his journey... ehm.. yeah.. "journey" hahaha~!
hahhaa~! today.... had a nice chat with annie over the fone.... so long nv hear her voice le... like 1 week nv hear her voice already... updated her abt the latest... and yeap~! she's always one of the best listener in my life.... aiya~! ANNIE dun slack at home lar! go find joB! find liao intro me! hahahaha~!
let's see... wanted to post some pic up.. but i'm so lazy to do so.... oh well~ bought a braun buffel wallet ytd using the vouchers... let's see..... it's black in colour? hahha~! i seriously have no idea that its a bull or watever u guys call it... ever since young i tot it's a elephant..... gosh~! silly me.... -_-"~! hahaha~! then i keep telling my mom i wanna see the elephant brand... and she was like asking me wat elephant brand... hahhaa~! ytd kay seng ask me out of cos along with guohui ah pa, and ah nei.. but then sigh~ i can only meet them in the evening which sth happen to crop up at home so i have to get back home.... anyway it's ok... kayseng wanted to meet someone else oso... haha~! but i couldn't get her! OPpS~! hahaha~!
i ate my favourite prompfet (dunno how to spell) ytd at ojolali... hahhaa~! mama ate bbq prawn..she said the prawns werent fresh.... haha.. but my fish is nice~! hahhaa~! it's always nice!!!!! wooH~ hahaha.... so sad so sad... my skin is shedding... i'm a reptile~~~~ -_-"~!~! sigh... cannot wear sleeveless for the time being... i look so ugly cos of the colour contrast... but it's ok~ heex... i look healthier this way... hahah~!
i've decided to quit sch is i dun hit 2.5 gpa the sem.... i really wanna lead a happier life than to worry abt my studies every now and then for not studying well... yes i admit i have not putting much effort... the moment i dun understand the concept i just feel like throwing the notes away... sigh~! hahaha i hope working can gain more experience... and i may just end up taking up part time course instead..... heex~! working life! i rather gain society experience than jail myself in sch.....
jia you jia you jia yoU!!!!!!

my term break is ending in like 2 more days... how i wish it nv stops... hahaha~! oh well after this week i get to know pikmun and grace... hahhaa~! nice ppl... love them.... they acc-ed me to jog and tennis... hahaha~! and today pikmun and vickie acc-ed me to orchard to walk...
sorry my frd (vickie).... i know i really shldnt have break my promise.... but i will make it up to u next time... this i promise u....
almost everyone alight at orchard today! yeah~!~!~!~ hahaha~! so happy... nan n hong the loving couple went shopping... then left with vickie pik mun and me... isetan off we go! and guohui and keyseng dunno go where oso... both of them just walk here and there themselves w/o saying so i oso blur~
hahaha~! but met them up for dinner..... after tat they acc-ed me to walk ard isetan... key seng bought a cap... he wanted to return me the money but i say give him as a gift bah... i totally have no idea his bday has past and din bought him anything... not close! but yet i enjoy being with them... no reason not to give present to such a nice frd... hahaha~! guo hui ur present u wait hor.... patience ok? hahahha~!
ah... i forgot abt rainy's..... next time go out with her then buy for her bah... since i no idea wat to buy for her oso... hahah~! rainy darling where are u?! why are u always MIA in internet world... gosh~!...
after tat vickie went home... i bought a shirt... doubt i will wear it often cos it's quite long but i like the design alot... i like the new arrival ones so much more... espeically they got my dumb dumb(crown) hahhaa... i saw my esprit knitted sweater again... so so love it... but it's gonna wait till i clear all my promises above... unless anyone volunteers to buy for me as a gift? hahaha~! jk....
went to heeren to meet the 2 guys...... thanx to the 3 of u for enduring my nonsense and my indecisive-ness in choosing my very 1st havainas... hahahah~! hahaa shall take pic of it some other time.... really love my time with them....
hope we can still meet up this often after sch starts... i dun mind making the effort to go down nyp and find u guys..... seriously....
frds.... i really adore u all... heex.....

this morning when i wore my new specs i was like "eeee so ugly" then look nearer to the mirror i find it not bad... hahaa
vickie was laughing when she saw my specs... guo hui was saying it's ugly... pik mun said it was ok.... chek lim was saying aiYO! when he borrowed my specs.... ehm.... hahaha~! nvm it's ok...
no idea why but i feel so down today.... be4 lunch was ok.. then just be4 going to lunch not ok... then during lunch even more not ok.. after lunch oso not ok.... after some of them went off for nafa i feel not ok.... then think think think... ok abit liao.... not ok oso becos i dunno how to do the math... i dun understand why is it written this way... sigh~ then.... i still feel sth a miss...
my dear darling vickie ask me qns today "u think u will be back with him mah? i use my butt to bet" hahaha~! dunno the ans... not interested in the ans for now...
told my mom abt it already... and she was saying i'm following my dad's foot step... and she say die liao lor got the "tju blood" hahhaaha... i dun deny though... -_-"~! the different thing is... i dun 2 time like my dad... he does.... nvm forget it... hahaha
din get to exercise today so sian.... i wanna jog... but lazy bring so big bag to sch.. haaha~! see my new pic taken with yin tian's hp...

tennis-ed today... yeap! just like the previous time my skill still sucked... to improve means i have to give up more study and free time... not to improve means i will have more than for study and free time.... but if not to improve those time really will go to study mah? nah~! probably not.... hahhaa~! wats the goal in my life? why do i even study degree when i dun want to? but since i'm here now.... why am i giving up? simply becos i'm weak.... i cant withstand the given pressure, stress and the fast pace study.... wat do i lack of? courage? yes.... after today's game... wat do i lack of? endurance.... from the game play wat do i see? i lack of patience..... all of this lack-ness... is it possible to improve on it.... and how much time will i take to improve? no matter how long it takes... the most critical qns to ask myself is... am i ready and willing to improve on myself? self-improvement.... self-enrichment.... self-esteem.... all of the self self self i have to improve.... sigh~! letting go one breath oso no use.... life is so unpredictable... if let's say i dun play and fool ard during the day... will 24hrs a day be enough for me? no..... i slacked too much.... now even if i wanna catch up... it may still be a problem... but heck! i still wanna catch up!
i'll already made a start for mechanics and materials.... left with math3.... going to read through and try the examples tml.... even if i dun complete one module this week i wanna at least mark a starting pt... heex....
dunno why but i feel sth amiss... can someone remind me later?

one of my frd who is not so close to me said "u shld go see a psychiatrist" hahha dunno if it's true... but i actually thought i shld go and visit one of them 2 yrs ago... had this period when i cry for no exactly no reasons and flaring up becos of nth at all... and this frd of mine said maybe i suppress or give myself too much pressure and stress... maybe... maybe not... wats now is i keep pushing blames to sch work that drives me crazy and blames myself for being useless... yeap! i'm useless.... laziness is still here.... not being able to drive my motivation to start..... it's the sch's fault.... all fault can only be blamed on me for not putting enough effort...
i guess i'm just going to read through lecture notes and tutorials for this term break... no point forcing myself study when i dun feel to.... anywhere the outcome is already predicted.... i oso wanna pass... hahaha~! wth... i'm contradicting myself....
anyways i jogged 4 and a half round? hahahah~! 5 including walking.... lolx~! haven jogged for past more than 1 month.... so 4 and half round is considered fruitful.... dunno if i'm going to jog again tml.... playing tennis though~ if i'm not tired maybe i'll just go jog one or two rounds..... heard some nice stuff today.... as well as some not nice stuff..... din really slp well last night.... 11 on bed turning ard tell 1am.... got up at 2am+... slept at 3am+ till 7.15am... ehm.... been thinking... thinking of almost everything.... like why am i here? why am i still breathing? why is it like this and why is it liddat? never ending why-s..... the 2 most impt qns is... where is my passion for studying gone to? and why am i feeling this way?
now.. out of nowhere i feel emo... out of nowhere i feel like being alone.... out of nowhere i dun feel like going home... out of nowhere i feel sour-ness in my heart.... out of nowhere i just blank out.... i know the situation well.. but why am i blanking out... tell me why.....

happy birthday to yOU~! hahaha.... ehm.... arh.... old liao ... jiu grow up and set a target lar... hahahah~! thanx for the "invitation" to amk hub for lunch har.... and the forceful eating of the base of cake... hahahaha~! jia you jia you jia you for ur FYP!

3 CAs had passed... thermodynamics, essential math and materials... yeap! all 3 failed... maybe i really aint the cut out for uni.... maybe i din put in enough effort... knowing my stupidity and my limit of knowledge... i wanna believe and choose to believe that i din put in enough effort... hahahaha~!~!~!~! give myself this semester as a trial... wanna pass all with a C.... if i cant even get C for all... most probably i will drop out... find a job... slowly work it up.... feel like taking a part time job... since i've been spending too much.... fullstop means fullstop... no more buying of things! hahahaha~! seriously i know i failed 3 CAs and their weightage is pretty big.... but i dun feel tat sad.... not as sad when i know i failed my automation during poly.... maybe cos i know my limit... i'm not tat clever.... i'm not the one for this kind... i'm just doing this our of pride and face.... dun wanna be underestimated... dun wanna be looked down on.... others graduated from uni.... i wanna do so too..... but i wanna do better than them..... wat if.... i happen to pass all with average C yet dun do well in the next semesters.... will i be wasting time and money.... wat do i gain other than new bond frdships?? experiences? do i really gain anything? or am i just deceiving myself? sigh~! how many ppl understand how i feel? wat is their pressure and stress? money.... they wanna study yet they are poor.... the only thing they are troubled over is most probably money.... wat is my pressure and stress? many.... they stay in hostel.... me? i stay at home... they travelled less than 30 mins.... i travelled 1 and half hr.... wat time do they get up? and wat time do i get up? do they have pressure becos siblings are doing well and u are not? nah... i have.... do they have parents pressurising them for not just abt sch work but family issues too? nah they dun... but i have.... my parents dun stress me for my studies... but for family issues tat i dun even wanna touch on... how can i not touch on it? its my family.... yeah... no doubt i do slack alot.... most impt... they have the foundation...... i dun...... where did they came from??? i dunno... foundation of everything i dun have.... building up a foundation is not that easy..... its not as easy as how ppl say... it's really difficult.... getting in uni is easy but to move up and graduate from it is really difficult.... just by putting in effort is not enough..... how can u understand a concept when u really dun understand at all despite reading it a hundred times.... is just memorising it enough... no it's not... u really need to understand to apply it.... how many really understand when i tell them i really dun understand despite that i have really read it...... how many ppl believe that i'm really not able to do it..... not many...... i'm really tired... how many ppl can see tat???? i really dun understand..... i really rather throw my pride and dun study anymore.... how long more can i endure? can i even extend my limitations..... i wanna go up..... i wanna graduate.... i dun wanna fail anymore....

getting the hang of 8.30 lessons.... hahaha~! getting the hang of being laughed at for my stupidity.... getting the hang of everything???? nah~!~!~ 3 CAs coming up! and i haven even complete omgosh! hahahha~!
oh yeah recently peifen and i was like... ehm... during a lect i actually went to disturb her by staring at her then she asked me "yes???" i replied "how may i help u, miss yang???" she replied with a stiff face "get lost pls!" then both of us burst into laughter... hahahah~! so funny... skipping thurs lect was wat i always do.... attending lect but studying different module was wat she did.... argh~! dunno why.... but i rather not attend lect since i dun even know wat they are toking abt..... i might as well go out and study on my own... i accomplish more i do in sch.... yeah yeah yeah~!~!~!~ 1 more chpt to go for thermo and i can start doing the stupid tutorials....
kor kor going ns on tuesday... hahahaha~! same day as kelvin song.... dunno will kana same company or not.... lolx~! or maybe same bunk... hahhaah~! so funny....
oh yeah yeah~! booked chalet on 17 18 and 19 of oct.... but will have bbq on 18.... lolx!~ yeah... finally my turn to open chalet... kns~ -_-"~!~! alot ppl ask why dun open when i'm 21... hahaha~! i simply replied... almost everyone make their bday big during 21 yrs old... but i wanna do it on 20... tats all... no why.... hahha~! i just wanna spend time with many ppl.... hahhaha~! took a mf and me pic ytd.... take a look...

been stressing lately... trying my best to study almost everyday... yeaP! the lecturers were right... attending 1 hr of lecture but u actually owe urself 3 to 4 hrs of study for an average student.... but the problem is... am i an average student? no.... i'm below average... will be able to complete 3 modules by the end of next week? probably not... but i'll do as much as i can...
so many things i miss.... miss too many things.... i miss my frds.... i miss my freedom... i miss my dar.... sorry for saying things tat hurt u alot... really really alot... ehm... heex... no matter wat happen... smile smile smile ok?

i miss playing blackjack throughout the night and giving luck to jiang he when i fell aslp... i miss the noise pollution they made.... not close but yet i enjoy my time with them....
i miss their laughters.... i miss they jokes... i miss their naggy-ness on me.... i miss our steamboat fantasies... i miss our plans on going overseas.... i miss everything about u guys....
sigh~! i want study finish this 3 yrs and tats it! THATS IT! THATS IT!!!! below average student going ntu to study... ppl asking me why i land myself in this sch? i dunno why... too many reasons to say... studying in uni is not as easy as i thought.... i need guts... courage... and wisdom... i wanna.... i wanna.. i wanna graduate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! argh~!~!~!~ 3 more yrs!!!!!

i'm tired
i'm tired
i'm tired.....