lolx! yo yo yYO!!!! where am i going???? is wat i'm going to talk abt for today... well i just know which sch i'm posted to.... guess which poly i'm posted to???? haha! it's not other than Nanyang Polytechnic... and the course is manufacturing engineering... well... although tats my 1st choice... tats is te school tat i dun wish to go... i'm still going to try my luck and apply for psb academy's electrical engineering from uni of newcastle.... oh dear.... how i wish psb will accept me.... to save me from 3 yrs of education.... lolx! i dunno why.... but i just simply cant imagine myself studying like hell.... ppl who know me well knows tat i'm a lazy girl whom ppl wun expect much..... well but there times when things really drive me into studying like mad..... lolx... i wish there will be frds supporting me through this.... oh dear oh my gosh...... i dunno wat i'm thinking now.... lolx! i just cant get the poly and psb thing get out of my head...... lolx! hope everything goes smoothly... oh well i got to stop here... the pain is killing me.... the only wish i hope will come true is tat... i can go back indo...... lolx... lastly! love peace no war stay in ur pinky health k?! bye bye!
halo! yes! as u can see it has been such a long time i've blogged... actually not very long... abt one month or so?? lolx.... i know tat i got no die-hard fans for my blog... so i doubt anyone would be reading my blog other than wx(my best friend) lolx... there is no specific topic for today.... it will all be toking abt me... me... AND ME! hahaha! oh well... wanna know why i haven ben blogging... simple reasons... and there are: i have no idea wat to blog.... and i'm sort of sick of blogging... tats why....
oh dear... i've gotten fatter ever since i came back from indo.... must be my mom... lolx! cook too much and too delicious... just cant stop eating... lolx! might be going back to indo soon... MIGHT BE so it means it is not confirmed.... this trip back... i hope it iwll be a better one.... why do i want to go back in the 1st place? gd qns.... i want to see him.... i want him to know tat i am definitely living a better life than he is... and i also want to go back to help my dad.... not only helping him in working life but also his personal life... as his daughter i cannot be seeing him not toking to anyone in the family but me... it's not fair for others... especially my mom... i dun want to have a family full of misunderstanding and no one stepping up to correct themselves or clear the mess... at my age... i have no idea if i can do it... but i must try... i must try to make miracle happen.... and i must oso admit tat.... my love for him is dying.... simple becos i think he is not worth my waiting and i feel extremely tired loving him.... nowadays i;m having dreams revolving around him... i'm sick and tired of waking up in the night feeling sad and confused.... theis must come to an end.... and i oso realised tat i am sort of interested in this guy i knew recently.... to me... e is quiet..... a guy who i think is not my type but his silence makes me wanna know abt him more... lolx! oh well.. tats abt it... i have no idea wat ot type anymore... remember my friends! love peace no war and stay healthy... tat is more important than anything else.... w/o a gd health condition u are simply zero....
Yo Yo YoZ!!!!
oh dear.... i think the heat has gotten into me... feel quite warm... i mean in my brain/head... just hope tat i got a slurpee now to brain freeze myself... hahaha! guess wat?! i did not write him a letter for 2 days! wat a miracle... well i write letters for him everyday but i did not for the past 2 days... why? the ans to tat is "i'm tired" i have no idea but i everytime i think abt writing a little for him... i have no idea wat to pen in down and i dun seem to have the courage and strength to hold my ballpt pen firmly...
well... i guess i am desperate... becos my mind is full of him... i wanna go back to indo.. not only for him but oso for the food there... oh damn! i really miss the food down there! i'm having a sore throat ever since i came back.... oh dear... my eye sight is getting bad! real bad! cos i cant see/read well... it's all so blurry... it's either my degree had shot up or the heat has really gotten into me!!!!!! oh well... i cant wait to make my visa! hahaha! i really hope tat i can go america to study... cos i seriously feel tat poly dun want me! lolx...
guess wat... ytd i got this idea tat i shld buy at least one english magazine per week/month... and read abt all the articles and write comments abt them.... either the topic or the style of writing... but the funny thing is... i nv tot of doing all those when i was in sch but yet i have the idea of doing it now... isnt tat weird??? a lazy bum like me actually wants to do tat!!!! the HEAT MUST HAVE GOTTEN INTO ME!!! i guess i shld go back slurpee later... haha! anyway all the best in everything u guys do out there! yah? love peace no war!
alright! today's topic is "life is short, why waste it?"
well actually... i got nth much to say abt tat... but tat is how i feel and wat i wanna ask to u ppl out there.... life is actually very short and not as long as u think as u can live.... u will nv ever know when is ur death(touchwood), am i right? wat are the things u cannot change in ur life? what is the REAL 2 things u cannot change in ur life? most ppl will say "my mom and my dad" but is tat right? to be frank, PARTIALLY! the 2 things tat u really cannot change is the time of birth and death........ tat's the meaning of life..... but there are also ppl who says tat we are born for a reason..... so wats the reason anyway? can anyone REALLy explain it? NO! it's somehow impossible to explain..... well... to be honest i cannot say much abt life becos i'm still young to tok abt it... a kid... as always? there are so many things tat we do not know.... i may feel tat i know everything in this world... but to speak the truth it may not even reach 1% of the knowledge of the whole world... am i right? and i believe that no one knows 100% of it too... cos if there is, there will not be ppl who are called the researchers...... hahaha!
anyway, back to the topic... i know my life is short... so i am going to live it to the fullest... but how? i dunno... but i know i am going to fight for the thing i want in my life... unless that thing i want doesnt belong to me.... for females/ young ladies who are my age(15 to 19), may think that having a boyfriend is the most important thing in the life.... well so am i, i think tat way too... and ppl who knows abt me and reads my blog will know i am sort of the 3rd party.... so how do i get wat i want? i dunno.... fight is probably the only way? a married couple together 8 yrs and have 2 children can divorce.... so an unmarried couple together for 8 months with no children can oso break... isnt it? i know is not gd to state that sentence... but it's the truth, right? but i oso know tat doesnt happen to EVERYONE in the world... wat i'm trying to say is... life is short... do watever tat makes u happy alright? but of cos DUN GO AND HUNT FOR BLOOD! wat i'm trying to say is do wat makes u happy except for illegal acts... ok? tat's abt it....
to weixin: hey there... how's life going? bad? partially i suppose... everyone has bad and gd times... just wanna say thank you again for all the helps u gave me... u have been a wonderful frd... although i've done nth much to help u... i feel sorry man... yes... and i finally felt very strongly tat it is going to end soon.... but i dun want it to end like this.... i feel sad when he ingores me... i feel jealous when he talks abt his girlfrd... so how? i dun feel like myself after i have feelings for him... i feel tat i became more selfish.... care lesser abt my surrounding frds... i really feel bad.... i always said tat ppl have their selfish moments... but my selfishness is getting greater every seconds.... i seriously need help and counselling.....
to maybelin: hey girl! erm.... in ur comment u asked abt how old is he right? 22 this yr.... older than me by 5 yrs old... the age tat i was finding isnt it? then.... remember my expectation of 175cm like orange stuff liddat.... he din meet any of them... infact he smokes.... so this is when i realise tat.... expectation might not come in handy.... expectations may even make u look down or dislike other ppl just becos they dun meet ur expectations.... so i threw all the factors out of my brain..... it's not the expectation tat makes u like him... is the connection/chemistry.... lolx... well at least he is caring, thoughtful, talkative... tat really is in my expectations though.... but there is one thing tat he gave me tat none has gave me so much.... and tat is attention.. i mean i know tat he got a gf and he treats almost all his frds the same but he really gave me the attention tat i need... i dun hate him for smoking whereas i'm trying to tell him all the time to quit smoking... but sometimes i am harsh on him too... it's as if i already treat him as my boyfriend... but the reality, he is NOT! he has already entered my life... the exiting part i'm not sure yet... anyway abt the guy u introduced? ah... i'll pass on him.... he is not my cup of tea... sorry yah? anyway god bless u... best of luck!
lastly love peace no war!
i got sth to say!!!! erm... i had a partially amazing night last night.... well i smsed one of my colleagues last night and ask if my crush's hp is repaired... and he replied he dunno and why not i try smsing him.... and i replied maybe not today but i did sms him later in the night... so here is goes:
Crush: i'm using my brother's hp now.... so wat are u doing and where are u now?
my reply: at home writing a letter..... so where are u now? did u fetch ur gf today?
crush: who are u writing the letter to?! i'm in my frd's hse playing and i got a little quarrel with my gf....
my reply: wat sort of quarrel? writing to my boyfrd..... sending it tml... so wat are u playing?
crush: not really playing... just chatting... had a little misunderstanding.... so u have a boyfrd?! i'm serious... who are u sending the letter to?!
my reply: well... a frd who is boy.. name boyfrd... got quite alot here....
crush: so u mean frds?
myreply: boyfrd means boyfrd... so u din fetch ur gf??? bad....
after tat he din reply... i thought he is angry at me for saying him bad.... but this mroning when i sms him he said his hp low batt... so oh well... true or fake who knows? only he knows the best... yesterday when i sms him... i really want him to be jealous and i want him to know tat i am living a much much better life than he is..... somehow i feel a little victory last night.... in all the sms it doesnt show the victory.. but i feel it... lolx... but then again... i lied... i got no boyfrd now.... a lie to make me feel happy and a lie tat make me run away from reality... and this is not the kind of life i want..... oh god... let me be the dumb person just for 2 days... which is ytd and today... after this i am going to fight on...... becos i dun want things to just end it like this..... a very kind and caring frd once told me tat he can sense tat it is going to end soon and he asked if i want it to end like this... well i dun want it to end like this... i want to have a taste of victory... but i oso want to have a taste of defeat... a true and fair defeat.... tats why i chose this path... haha! my love for him is still alive and kicking hard..... and this feeling tells me tat i will only get wat i deserve if i fight on... but then i feel very tired.... the feeling for him is very tiring but why is tat so? maybe becos one sided love is always quite tiring... but i dun care! i still want to know.... find the true ans even if it means tat my change of victory is 1%!!! hahahaha!!!! (i'm going crazy soon... could someone dail the no. to mental hospital?) oh well... i guess i will stop here.... love peace no waR!
i have no idea wat to say..... lolx... haha! i jsut came back from m'sia.... made my passport.... yay!!! i can go indonesia again! erm... i wanna apologise... i dunno to whom... but Sorry is wat i want to say.... i dunno why... but there is a urge in me which tells me tat i have to say sorry.... but again i still feel lonely as usual.... no matter how many Sorries i say..... wat i want will not come.... maybe i shld just let it go in order to get wat i deserve..... lolx....
abt my studies... let's see... i have not made my visa to america... so i think my chances of going overseas to study is quite slim... i just pray hard tat any poly in singapore wants me as their mechatroni engineering student.... which is oso quite slim... the only chance tat is NOT slim is going back to peicai... and tat is the only place i will not want to go back... i mean if it is to go back to visit teachers it's okay... but if it's going back to study as a secondary 4 student again...
NO WAY AM I GOING TO STEP INTO TAT SCHOOL ONCE AGAIN!!! now... do u see it? i really dun want to go back.... unless u guys make me faint and u guys drag me back there... lolx... and i realise tat... i really really want polys to accept me.... i will work hard... i will dig for bks all day long.... but i just dun want to go back peicai.... 2nd reason why i want them to accept me is becos i want to go back indo... i want to have my days where i create so much noise in the office.... i want to say "i'm hungry like shit"again.... i oso wanna say"dun make me slap u" again.... if i say those down here.... i just feel tat no one is going to joke abt it.... haha.... i miss the ppl there.... especially the food..... haha.... i realised tat i think abt him much much lesser now... but there are times i keep thinking things like... where is he now and wat is he doing now... but i still feel very strongly tat i love him.... the feeling is not gone... just tat i try to occupy myself with things to do so tat i dun think abt him so much.... wanna know why i do tat? it's becos i want myself to know tat i'm still young.... i cannot give up the whole forest becos of one small tree... but then i still love him... isnt tat weird? humans are weird and dumb sometimes.... (manusia bodoh) i'll stop here for today's entry..... my teeth is hurting me... i wonder why..... bye ! love peace no war!
