WishList

Alright.... this is a entry abt how i feel abt My Results....
1st of all... i will state my score :

Engligh-5
Combined Humanities- 8
Mathematics- 3
Additional Mathematics- 8
Physics- 7
Chemistry- 6
Chinese-3

ok...... then... for ppl who dunno.... O lvl is like very very impt.... cos this is the 1st certificate tat can get me a REAL job..... ok? so ppl in my office who laughed at me for fairing my exam so badly... i got to say i sort of am angry at u.... and for ppl who dunno.... 1 is the best score... 9 is the worst.... and from 6 onwards its a pass... so it's like i failed 3 and passed 4... which is bad.... and then.... i din expect to pass my chem... and i oso din expect to fail my physics.... becos it's like... i need physics so badly to get into courses like engineering.... and my Combined humanities is like..... it shocked me! i have never faired so badly in tat.... poly might not even want me.... so i think i might as well go overseas and study.... i dun think overseas's schs wants me too... but oh well... i still dun want to stay here becos i still feel like a prisoner locked in a huge jail.... and it's like my teacher is trying to say tat i shld better off retain one more yr... oh no man! wasting one more yr of my education life?! dream on~ it's like.... why not take an express way?

to ppl in office: gue bilang dulu ya..... aku skrg bener2 sedih! okay?! no joke... and it's not funny... the person whom i hope would comfort me did not.... in fact it's like he is dragging me back to the standing point again... FUCK HIM MAN! i'm so pissed off! if u think O lvl is so damn easy for a dumb person like me... try taking the exams at ur level alright?! dun ever2 drag ppl down becos u are better cos u might not be better as wat u are thinking okay?! i though u guys would like console me... but i'm WRONG!!!! i dun even know who the hell u guys are?! argh! lastly... my apologies for the vulgarities... but it just simply came out from my mouth.... ARGH!!!! I HATE HIM!

Halo! Ho'ws everyone doing? fine i suppose...... lolx! erm... i bet most ppl are sort of nervous/scared/dying/excited becos o lvl results are coming out the following monday.... well... my feeling abt the result is quite numb.... wanna know why? becos i am already prepared to fail... fail BADLY! and i mean it..... geniuses can pass their exams like a click of a mouse.... let's say... they dun really need to study hard to pass their exams with flying colours or they can pass their exams when they play games during their exam periods... haha! well i CAN NEVER pass my exams becos i deserve it... my retribution for all my sinful acts... well.... i played ps2 during my o lvl period..... wat do u have to say abt tat?! haha.... anyway i dun care so much...

after my working "experience" in jakarta... i realise i better of work than study... but studying is still more important for the age i'm in NOW! so.... i still have to study.... and well... i am currently "stressed" becos of this Singpass thingy... becos... i came back to sg only a couple of days ago... and i dun really know abt this Singpass stuff.... and i heard it is a MUST for me to have it... so oh well i applied it thru the net but then again my frd said tat the dateline is over... wat am i suppose to do? oh gosh.... i'm so dead... so so dead.... lolx.... oh well other than that.... i got a new handphone!!!! well i sold my old nokia and got a new sony ericsson... graphic SUX so much but i like the design of the fone... especially the speaker.... haha! the model is J200i and it cost me $185.....

lastly this short msg is for ppl in my dad's office: halO! apa kabar???(correct spelling? if wrong tell me okay?!) GRANDPA: masih banyankan merokok??? lolx... how are all the AutoCad ppl? still cool and funky i guess.... BROTHER GLENN: how how how?! hows ur date with her? still confused becos ur old frd came back to jkt??? dun be okay!!!! make up ur mind on who u are choosing alright?! dun make girls call u a JERK! lolx.... MAMA: how are u?! hows my "papa" too? gd gd??? did they play band?! ARGH! i wanna play too!!!! my results will be out on monday so i sms u my results on monday okay? lastly to handi: yoyoyo!!!! lolx... i actually dunno wat to tell u..... cos now... i sort of hate and love u at the same time.... i hate u cos i dunno why..... it's just the feeling... but of cos i love u more than i hate u..... shessh! the moment i think abt u.... it hurts so damn much.... if u dun understand ask ppl to translate... alright?

i guess i will stop here for now... dumb and stupid entry... but i dun give a damn abt it... love peace no war! bye!

hi everyone! erm... my entry today is actually boring... overall i find tat none of my entries have been interesting at all....
First! i would like to thank Chun Mei... always my good friend... and there is a short msg i wanna tell her... here it goes: Hey GurL! i've seen wat happen to u after he left u.... i dun wanna tat to happen to me too... but i really cant control this love... it's not child's play anymore.... i'm serious... i do not know how much i love him... but i just know i do... i do care abt him... looking at him happy doesnt mean i will be happy too... those sentence were just plainly crap... if he can do this to his gf now... he can do it to me in the future if we are together.... but is tat a 100% sure thing tat he will do tat to me too??? i know wat i'm saying now is selfish... and dumb... but ppl are dumb at some angles and selfish at times.... i've got lots of advise from ppl here and ppl in sg... and of cos from u too... i would like to hind ur advise but it just wun get into my mind... as u know i am a person who is quite stubborn.... i really really want to fight for it... i will nv know the taste of victory/defeat if i nv fight at all.... yeah? i will only fall and stand up again if i happen to me... and not to see wat had happen to ppl around me.. it's not enough.... it's not enough for a stubborn person like me... yeah? and... there cannot be 3 ppl who are not hurt... ultimately the one getting hurt is me... u are so so right but there will not be a case where all 3 of us are not hurt.... alright? wat i need is support... but then again... i thank you for being there for me when i needed you... you'll always be my very very good friend.... god bless you!

Second to weixin: so! wat have u been doing lately? slack? haha... dun skip sch alright... it's not gd... i got to tell u this..... i had this dream 2 days ago... the dream is abt him leaving my life... leaving for good... i could almost feel it... it's so damn real... maybe it's a hind.. i am not sure... but i am sure tat i wouldn't want tat to happen... well... i'm sure u dun want the ppl u love to leave u for good right? sigh.... i really want to go back in time... i really wanna go back to the time where i'm still myself... i realised i am not myself lately... i dun even feel right... i'm not doing my things right at all... it's all stressed up... i cry in my dreams... i dunno why... i just wanna go back where i can be the lame and dumb girl w/o much to think abt... i miss u guys so so much.... somehow i kind of regret coming back... i dunno why... i can almost find myself crying to go back.... i am somehow finding myself suffering... little adding to a little everyday equals to alot... isnt it? i really hope he dun leave me for good... go listen this song "over" by lindsay lohan.... the chorus part saying "i can't live without you, i can't breathe without you, and i dream about you" this is simply happening to me.... but of cos i can live w/o him.... maybe not the full me but the half me tat is alive... understand? oh well... i'll stop here.... u take care alright?! you'll always be my best friend!

Thirdly to maybelin: YO CHAR BO!!!!! hows ur work? tiring eh? but ur pay is higher... hahaha! sure do treat me someday man! lets go play pool and catch movie alright? maybe not movie... cos my current situation is not in the condition to watch any movie... cos it will only be a waste of money... maybe go do some stuff like window shopping or play sth where i can verge my angers and release all my depressions.... can? i know i have been selfish towards u and weixin lately... cos i cared more abt myself and u guys... i'm so so sorry abt tat alright? i'll try to repay it back when i'm fully recharged! i know u may think i'm sort of a bitch to go for someone who already have a relationship with other girl.... i know i know... but then wat i think is tat... if they broke up becos of me... it's sort of my wrong... and it's oso their wrong cos their love is not strong? it's such a bitchy thing for me to say right? but tat somehow seems to be true.... hai... unless u can help me find a single guy to go after me maybe tat will make me forget him.... haha! dumb idea right?! yeah.... now... i just wish u can pop out and appear by my side.... alright? i hope u will support me for fighting it through... i really want him.... not an easy battle but i want to know the taste of victory/defeat.... ok? god bless you and you'll always be my best friend

lastly to ppl in the office: whoever in the office reads these are lucky people! haha! crap!!! i want to say thank you for taking good care of me these 2 months... i know i am very stubborn almost all of the times... and my demands are always a sure thing.... but u guys are doing good... just tat u guys need to work faster and more efficiently... okay? i'll always support in watever u do... alright? grandpa: dun smoke too much alright? it's so BAD for health.... and thanx for listening to all my complains! brother glenn: thanx for being such a wonderful brother.... haha! i miss my real brother very much.... who is denis!!! haha! anywayx... thanx for the chocolate yeah? erm who else.... august: hey yo!!! thanx for teaching me so many things... although wat u teach me are all crumble up! jump jump here and jump jump there.... very very confusing! haha... lastly to handi: jangan kebanyakan smoking ya? tidak bagus.... aku cuma mau bilang terima kasih... kenapa aku mau bilang thanx ya? itu karena kamu kasih saya a wonderful memory.... alright? ngerti ga? you gave me the taste of sweet/sour/bitter of love.... ( klo nggak ngerti tanyak orang di kantor ya!) thank you so so much... terus... aku mau bilang i still love u very much dan aku nggak tahu when this love will stop.... yah?

alright!!!! long entry this time.... lolx! sure do tag my blog guys! bye bye!!!! take care and best of luck!

today's entry is about my final decision.... if u people did actually read my entries... u will know wat is going on in my life.... so i've come to my final decision with the help of the BIG family i have down here.... and of cos not forgetting my best friend weixin..... alright... here it goes.... i've decided to continue loving him.... i know u ppl out there may think i am a bitch/slut wat ever baddie names u all have in mind... but guess wat?! i don't care! erm.... even if his final decision is not me..... i oso wun mind.... i just wanna say i still love him.... trying to forget abt him is not the best solution now... cos i'm still currently in jakarta... i see him everyday except sunday..... even when i see him it hurts.... just like today... when met each other at the staircase.... no greeting was recieve from each other.... he din even look straight into my eyes and neither did i..... i feel like i'll be crushed instantly if i do so... but i really really seriously need to tok to him.... oh well... lastly all i want to say is.... i'll always be there for him... i lend him my shoulder.... i lend him a hand.... i'll.... i'll just be there for him.... but i think is of no use for him.... hai.... tats all i got to say.... lastly.... love peace no war! take care everyone out there

hi..... where did i stop the last time? i forgot... anywayz.... i think i said he ask me whether i miss him or not.... i replied yes.... and i asked him if he does miss me too? he replied very much.... so the next day i asked.... he said he miss me issit becos we are just friends? he replied..... no.... he said he got feelings for me but not very deep yet.... and he loves his girlfriend.... wat is tat suppose to mean???????????? i feel like a slut/bitch... seriously feel like tat now.... oh well... i am the culprit who caused all these troubles anyway.............. -_-"! i feel tat he is playing with my feelings...... i dunno wat i'm typing today.... not really myself lately.... feel so different..... i'm not even concentrating.... focus is wat i need but it din come.... or should i say where did my concentration and focuses went to? i had a terrible and sufocating day yesterday.... i really feel like crying.... sheesh........ and today it was a half day work for him but full for me... when i reach the office.... i guess he just reach too cos we signed in together today... and i feel so weird today.... like someone was looking at me.... when i was doing my drawing.... i sensed tat some one was really looking at me... and when i turn around to take a glance i realised it was him...... i'm so afraid to look into his eyes.... afraid of looking into his eyes shows tat i'm running away from reality and tat is not wat i want to do! he just hang me down there and not giving me a definite answer..... he is driving me mad..... but his eye sight to me today is sorta different.... it's as though its trying to tell me sth..... tell me sth real important but i chose to ignore..... becos i'm running away tats why... i guess i shall stop here.... i cant think well tats why.....

well... hi once again! lolx... if u had read my previous entry... u will know wat i am going to talk abt today... yes.... my feeling has goen down even deeper than before... how had this happen? i have no idea..... i really want this to come to an end.... but i dont seem to see the glimpse of light in this dark tunnel..... sigh... how?

look! he has a girlfriend whom he loves so so much... but yet why can he ask me qns tat seem as though he dun even care abt his girlfriend... well he asked me things like "do u really2 like me really2 love me?" "do u miss me now?" "if i dun have a girfriend now do u wanna be mine?" oh my god..... he is not trying to tell me"hey look, i got a gf whom i really love so i hope u would understand" yet... the msg i get from all this qns are" i kinda like u too but i got a gf..." so? wat is he trying to say? i dun understand at all.... he is driving me crazy.... even crazy than before... and this morning when i sms him he replied "i'm with my gf now so dun sms me back... wait till i get home" his he trying to make me happy behind his gf??? well... u bet i AM jealous! i really AM jealous.... to be honest... i nv get jealous over other ppl be4... i mean in this kind of complicated matter..... i really am jealous.... wat does these all means? does these all means tat i really had fall in love? or just a mere crush again? now i only hope tat he would tell his gf abt me..... tell her tat a girl told him tat she like him... well at least they would quarrel abit... from this quarrel i can see whether her gf really loves him or if he really loves her.... i'm not trying to be a bitch here but i just wanna to test them....

but well... yeah.... ppl who read this may think tat i'm a bitch... i do feel like a bitch/slut for loving him... cos he already has a gf... i find tat i am the 3rd party in destroying them.... wat am i suppose to do???

I've thought abt it... it's better to have lesser troubles than more troubles... hahaha! oh well.... i feel quite dumb and lost now....... lolx... anywayx....

to: maybelin!
YOYOYO!!!! how's ur work going? yes yes we shall go out after i go back singapore alright? i miss u very much too!!!! i tried to call u in the airport but no one picked up the hse and ur hp.... hai... lolx! must take gd care of urself okay? and i realised sth... a person need not be very slim.... as long as u look okay can already... too thin oso not gd..... i know everyone wants to have gd figure..... but i realised it is not really necssary.....(wrong spelling right?! can someone correct me? Thanx!) tats all i want to say for now....

to: weixin!!!!!
hey weixin.... i am relaxing already.... as u know u like this guy who is my cousin's frd.... he already know tat i liked him..... and i know he has a girlfriend already.... but he told me tat once he heard me saying i like him.... he is happy.... why is tat so? i know tat no one in this world wants ppl to hate/dislike them.... why???? lolx... i admit.... i still do like him..... dun ask me why.... in the past the crushes i had dun seem to be real...... but this time the feeling is much different.... it is not abt admiring..... it is oso not abt wanting him to like me back..... this time is more like.. i really do care..... i really do want him to be happy... i really notice his every little steps... and i really him who he is and not the appearance.... wat does all these mean? just mere crushing or really like/love???? hai.... pls do help me a little.. advise would be gd... thank you..... and take gd care of urself too...!!!

halo!
see the title u know tat i feel so fucked up now..... wat the heck is the meaning of trust/believe between friends???? huh?! can anybody give me the exact meaning for tat?! NO!!!! i truely regret my life now! why?! i feel like the whole of the office ppl lied to me! who is speaking the truth? i dun know... who is lying? i oso dun know.... i trust every single words they said.... and yet? they make me feel like i big fool.... there are killing me! really are!!!! i find them no difference from other ppl tat i seen in singapore! maybe it's becos i am childish or sth... but wat i can think abt now as childish person is tat i dislike everyone noW! but if i were to think using a matured way.... friends come and go and some words can be trusted some cant... and friendship goes throught thick and thin too..... oh man! wat the fuck am i trying to say i dunno at all!!!!!